Communicating

Self understanding

Groups are olny as healthy as the people who participate in them. A key to building group is building self understanding. Each of us has some sense of who we are, and a way of looking at life. Four general life views are shared in the next chart. This view "colors" each group member's perception of events.

 

Low esteem/critical	Angry/ Resentful	Hopelessness	Optimistic
School is so stupid	It's not fair!	All I do is cause trouble.	Things work out for the best.
Get lost. Nobody want you around.	Nobody listens to me.	Why bother? It'll be wrong.	I'm going to trust her.
She never likes my ideas, anyway.	You always blame me.	I never do anything right.	It's hard, but I can do it!

We can change our view of life. One important factor comes from our philosophy of life, and our core beliefs about the world. Those who are emotionally healthy usually operate from an optimistic perspective. They are not optimistic because nothing bad happens to them, but because they use optimistic core beliefs to explain those happenings. These core beliefs help us to be resilent and to cope productively.

Group Communication Skills

Be aware of feelings. Try to express personal feelings, give a special attention to how people feel and encourage feeling statements.

Use "I" and "Adult" statements. Speak for self, expressing own needs and distinguishing between feelings, opinions and beliefs.

Speak directly to group members. Instead of "Mark seems angry," speak to Mark and address the statement or concern directly to the person - - "Mark I sense that you are upset."

Speak freely and openly. Group members need not ask permission to speak, intervene, move around or contribute as long as contributions are respectful.

Any person may "pass." If a group member is uncomfortable with an activity or question, he or she has the right to say, "I pass."

State own feelings. Before asking a question, consdier if a statement that accepts ownership would be more direct and suitable. Avoid "why" questions as setting up mind tripping.

Describe situations and behaviors rather than making judgments. Describe a person's behavior and a personal feeling, taking ownership rather than labeling or name calling.

Take personal responsibility for emotions. Rather than giving blame to another group member for an upset or discomfort, accept feelings, emotions and sensations as belonging to self.

Examples:

"I am upset" rather than "You make me upset."
"I feel like you are not listening," rather than "Nobody listens to me."

Remember the importance of confidentiality. What happens in the group stays in tha group.

World View

Things will work out for the best.
I'm going to trust her.
It's hard, but I can do it!

It's not fair.
Nobody listens to me.
You always blame me.

School is so stupid.
Get lost. Nobody wants you around.
She never likes my ideas, anyway.

All I do is cause trouble.
Why bother? It'll be wrong.
I never do anything right.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life

1. Monitor % of time in each view.

2. Monitor who provides joy and who drags you down.

3. Ask a reliable person to review the data supportedly.

4. Establish goals and an energizer plan.
   1. I will spend time with
   2. I will get outside of myselft by
   3. I can get control of anger of fustration by
   4. When sad or depressed I will help another by
   5. I will give myself engery by
   6. I will monitor my progess by
   7. I will celebrate by

5. Stay focused.

6. Believe in yourself.

Go back to Lesson 2

E-mail J'Anne Ellsworth at Janne.Ellsworth@nau.edu

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