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ESE380 : The Class : Commander Troy : Pensive Pat : Cohension


Community Building & Cohension

Each person is special, unique in important ways, and rather insulated from others. It is only over a span of years that we come to realize who we are, and it is much longer, still, before most of us reach out to try to fully understand others. We present a paradox. We want so much to be loved, to be understood, to be accepted unconditionally. Yet often, those who need that support the most, build protective barriers to keep others at a distance, fearing and desiring contact at the same time. We want to tell others how we feel, yet may not be motivated to listen to anotherıs story. We may find it difficult to allow someone access to the sensitive and tender places, or fear that by sharing who we want them to see, they will see beyond that to who we fear we may be or feel ashamed of being. We need to be together with others, and we seek to be alone. Human beings thrive in community, yet we do not automatically have the tools and skills to feel safe with others. We can learn them, and we can become adept.

The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated
- William James

A WALL OR A BRIDGE
DEFENSIVE THINKING

* Reaction is likely rather than action
* Reaction is typically rigid, fixed, not thoughtful
*Reaction is result of past experiences with a sense of compulsion rather than choice
* Reaction often distorts reality to fit the defense
* Unconscious mind or autonomic system seems in charge
* Reaction is typical of a response set --- ³Every time I get angry, I---²
* What is felt requires immediate gratification and expression
* Reaction is based on sense of being powerless and hopeless, so a sense of futility is pervasive and gives energy to inappropriate responses
* Reactions are partially powered by a covert desire for self gratification
* Reactions are frequently powered by a self instigated belief system which includes justifications for abuse to others
* Life is magical, dangerous, hurtful

DEFENSIVE BEHAVING

Project
Rationalize
Glaring
Flattering
Intimidating
Evading
Withdrawing
Rationalizing
Resentful
Intolerent
Unprepared
Manipulative
Justify
Theorize
Quibbing
Sarcasm
Hostile
Shifting
Excuses
Judging
Angry
Aloof
Angry
Closed
Intellectualize
Moralize
Threatening
Joking
Flattering
Silence
Running away
Dodging
Rejecting
Superior
Tardy
Indifferent
Minimize
Switch
Attacking
Generalize
Equivocate
Critical
Sulking
Self pitying
Apologetic
Verbose
Dishonest
Uncertain

  • Action taken involves perceiving and making choices
  • Action allows flexibility and rethinking to meet a purpose

  • Action is geared toward help now without sacrificing the future

  • Action occurs through orientation to the here and now

  • Conscious and preconscious elements are brought into the thinking process

  • Action is specific to the set of current circumstances

  • Action may involve waiting and self disciplining behaviors until a more apt time or place

  • Action is based on sense of being able to control self, the future & destiny

  • Actions include recognizing & valuing the needs of others

  • Life is ordered and generally manageable

We build wall so often, when what we really need are more bridges.

Bridge Building
  1. Blended in actions and goals
      mutual goals
      joint rewards
      shared resources
      differentiated roles
  2. Face-to-face positive feelings
      self disclosure
      help & encourage
      share insights
      time allotted for group work
  3. Individual accountability
      student owns grade
      balance maintained
      self monitoring
      personal rights / needs respected
  4. Social skills valued and built
      collaboration
      communication
      conflict resolution
      leadership
  5. Group processes build good feelings
      journal
      feedback cards
      assessment tasks
      process time

Discuss each suggestion for community building.
List two areas that are group strengths.
1)___________________________________ 2) _________________________________
Select two area to strengthen
1)___________________________________ 2) _________________________________

Develop two ways to strengthen the group. To make the most impact, they need to help each group member feel capable, connected, accountable and influential.
1)___________________________________ 2) _________________________________
Select two area to strengthen
1)___________________________________ 2) _________________________________

Contributions from group members:

Name

___________________
___________________
___________________
___________________
___________________

Give

___________________
___________________
___________________
___________________
___________________

Need

___________________
___________________
___________________
___________________
___________________


Once you have finished you should:

Go back to Lesson 2

E-mail J'Anne Ellsworth at Janne.Ellsworth@nau.edu


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