LOG ON

Making the wood stove hotter.

LOG OFF

Getting the wood off the woodpile.

MONITOR

Keeping an eye on the woodstove.

DOWNLOAD

Getting the firewood off the truck.

MEGA HERTZ

How it feels when you drop the firewood on your foot.

FLOPPY DISC

What you get from lifting too much firewood.

RAM

The old billy goat in the back yard.

HARD DRIVE

Getting home in the winter time.

PROMPT

What the mail ain't in the winter time.

WINDOWS

What to shut when it's cold outside.

UNIX

Where you have to grease every 2000 miles.

MAC

What you call your buddy, as in "Hey, Mac!".

SCREEN

What to shut when it's black fly season.

BYTE

What the flies do.

CHIP

Munchies for watching the TV.

MICRO CHIP

The little tiny pieces at the bottom of the bag.

MODEM

What you did to the hay fields.

DOT MATRIX

Old Dan Matrix's wife.

LAP TOP

Where the kitty sleeps.

SOFTWARE

Plastic eating utensils.

MOUSE

What eats the grain in the barn.

MAINFRAME

What holds up the barn roof.

PORT

Fancy name for wine.

ENTER

Northerner talk for "C'Mon in Y'all".

MOUSE PAD

Hippie talk for where the mouse lives.

RANDON ACCESS MEMORY

When your wife asks how much the new pickup truck cost and you can't recall.