Beware!

If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "FWD: Virus Warning" delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. It contains the the most dangerous E-mail virus yet. It will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It also demagnetizes the strips on all your credit cards, reprograms your ATM access code, screws up both the time and the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your soda and beer and leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only static while stuck in traffic. When executed "FWD: Virus Warning" will also give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine. "FWD: Virus Warning" will give you Dutch Elm disease and brown patch. If the "FWD: Virus Warning" mail message is opened in a Windows 95 environment it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk. When opened in Windows NT it will result in an IRS Audit and place your phone number on every telemarketing phone list in the world. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. These are just a few signs.

Be afwaid. Be very, very afwaid.