So you think you're computer-illiterate? Check out the following excerpts from a Wall Street Journal article.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.

4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

5. A Dell technician advised his cutomer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down and getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends." the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens". The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

11. A caller to a tech support hotline asked for a replacement cup holder for his new computer, since the old one broke off during use. Confused, the technician asked whether this cup holder was part of a promotional offer of some kind. The caller replied "All I know is it says 4x on the front." At this point, the tech realized that the caller had been using the tray for his quad-speed CD-ROM drive to hold his coffee mug.

12. When a woman with a brand new PC dragged the desktop icon entitled "The Internet" to the recycle bin, the computer asked "Are you sure you want to delete the Internet?" She clicked "Yes" but then began to wonder if she had done something terrible when she failed to connect the next time she tried. She called 911 to report that she had accidentally deleted the Internet but that it was a mistake.