Community Building & Cohension

Each person is special, unique in important ways, and rather insulated from others. It is only over a span of years that we come to realize who we are, and it is much longer, still, before most of us reach out to try to fully understand others. We present a paradox. We want so much to be loved, to be understood, to be accepted unconditionally. Yet often, those who need that support the most, build protective barriers to keep others at a distance, fearing and desiring contact at the same time. We want to tell others how we feel, yet may not be motivated to listen to anotherıs story. We may find it difficult to allow someone access to the sensitive and tender places, or fear that by sharing who we want them to see, they will see beyond that to who we fear we may be or feel ashamed of being. We need to be together with others, and we seek to be alone. Human beings thrive in community, yet we do not automatically have the tools and skills to feel safe with others. We can learn them, and we can become adept.

The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated
- William James

A WALL OR A BRIDGE

DEFENSIVE THINKING * Reaction is likely rather than action * Reaction is typically rigid, fixed, not thoughtful *Reaction is result of past experiences with a sense of compulsion rather than choice * Reaction often distorts reality to fit the defense * Unconscious mind or autonomic system seems in charge * Reaction is typical of a response set --- ³Every time I get angry, I---² * What is felt requires immediate gratification and expression * Reaction is based on sense of being powerless and hopeless, so a sense of futility is pervasive and gives energy to inappropriate responses * Reactions are partially powered by a covert desire for self gratification * Reactions are frequently powered by a self instigated belief system which includes justifications for abuse to others * Life is magical, dangerous, hurtful DEFENSIVE BEHAVING Project Rationalize Glaring Flattering Intimidating Evading Withdrawing Rationalizing Resentful Intolerent Unprepared Manipulative Justify Theorize Quibbing Sarcasm Hostile Shifting Excuses Judging Angry Aloof Angry Closed Intellectualize Moralize Threatening Joking Flattering Silence Running away Dodging Rejecting Superior Tardy Indifferent Minimize Switch Attacking Generalize Equivocate Critical Sulking Self pitying Apologetic Verbose Dishonest Uncertain

Action taken involves perceiving and making choices Action allows flexibility and rethinking to meet a purpose Action is geared toward help now without sacrificing the future Action occurs through orientation to the here and now Conscious and preconscious elements are brought into the thinking process Action is specific to the set of current circumstances Action may involve waiting and self disciplining behaviors until a more apt time or place Action is based on sense of being able to control self, the future & destiny Actions include recognizing & valuing the needs of others Life is ordered and generally manageable

We build wall so often, when what we really need are more bridges.

1. Blended in actions and goals
   mutual goals
   joint rewards
   shared resources
   differentiated roles
2. Face-to-face positive feelings
   self disclosure
   help & encourage
   share insights
   time allotted for group work
3. Individual accountability
   student owns grade
   balance maintained
   self monitoring
   personal rights / needs respected
4. Social skills valued and built
   collaboration
   communication
   conflict resolution
   leadership
5. Group processes build good feelings
   journal
   feedback cards
   assessment tasks
   process time

Discuss each suggestion for community building.
List two areas that are group strengths.
1)___________________________________ 2) _________________________________
Select two area to strengthen
1)___________________________________ 2) _________________________________

Develop two ways to strengthen the group. To make the most impact, they need to help each group member feel capable, connected, accountable and influential.
1)___________________________________ 2) _________________________________
Select two area to strengthen
1)___________________________________ 2) _________________________________

Contributions from group members:

Name ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________

Give ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________

Need ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________ ___________________

Go back to Lesson 2

E-mail J'Anne Ellsworth at Janne.Ellsworth@nau.edu

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