Effective Conversing

Effective Conversing

Trasaction Record

Berne (1964) suggested that each time one person acknowledges another a transaction occurs. The quality of the exchange depends on how that unit of human communication touches each life. To measure the transcation, we look at what role or ego state the person's verbal or nonverbal expression comes from. We can also see if the responses are equally satisfying, and if they provide complementary need satisfaction for both participants.

Parents Refers To A Person's Values And Rules

Nurturing Parent is understanding and helpful. Too much NP gives a smothering feeling followed by a desire to withdraw.
NP "Where were you last time?"
Non verbal - wring hands, furrowed brow or worried look, tongue clicking
Critical Parent is directive and judgemental. Limit setting, rule enforcement and concern for well being are included. Too much CP feels like a dictatorship.
CP "Why weren't you here last time?"
Non verbal - hands on hips, frown, finger wagging

Adult Refers To A Person's Cognitive Information Processes

Adult is fact oriented. The messages are logical, based on observable data or evidence that is clear and it is presented in a linear fashion. It is a vital component of thinking and being rational. Adult "Our topic for today is ..."
Non verbal - attentive posture, frank expression

Child Refers To A Person's Spontaneous And Impulsive Nature

Free Child is impulsive pleasure seeking, untrained and autonomous.
FC "Let's go over the Union and get something to eat for our group meeting."
Non verbal - excited, smiling, animated
AC "We've better not share answers. We might get in trouble."
Non verbal - anxious or passive, worried looking, wringing hands

The sense of being understood is very powerful and rather rare - Van Kaam One cannot explain things to unfriendly people - Freud

Transcation can be an important way to monitor the power issues in communicating. Each pattern tells about the relationship between two people. It is also a useful way to change the way we relate to each other.

No one speak more intelligently than he or she can listen - Brown

When communicating is effective, it builds relationship and meets needs. Each person feels more understood and primary needs are honored.

Assume the role of teacher in a classroom and provide an example of each kind of statement.

Nuturing Parent ____________________________________________________________________________

Controlling Parent ____________________________________________________________________________

Adult ____________________________________________________________________________

Free Child ____________________________________________________________________________

Adapting Child ____________________________________________________________________________

Take turns being the social leader and monitoring group interactions. Record each verbal transaction and try to keep a record of nonverbal transactions, too. Every fifteen minutes, stop and share the findings. Summarize the outcome and discuss how to create optimum conditions for effective conversing.

ESE380 : The Class : Commander Troy : Pat : Effective Conversing

Personal Communication Patterns Summary Parent - % of time - with whom - what did you say?
Adult - % of time - with whom - what did you say? What makes you switch?
Child - % of time - with whom - what did you say? What makes you switch?

Once you have finished you should:

Go back to Lesson 2

E-mail J'Anne Ellsworth at Janne.Ellsworth@nau.edu