Complainer/Whiner
Technique:
Listen carefully to determine legitimacy of issue. Remember that the feelings
underlying the complaints are real no matter what the nature or outcome
of the actual complaint.
Procedures: Whining and complaining are part of growing up. Some
children pass through the stage quickly, while others find it a useful
tool. Ages four, seven, nine, and early adolescence are normal ages for
increased whining, complaining, tattling, and eventually, gossiping.
The adolescent who whines may be continuing a childhood behavior. If it
is a habitual way of communicating without a feeling of disenfranchisement:
- Talk with the student one on one.
- Gain permission to tape the student and have them play the tape listening to voice quality
- Ask the speech therapist in the school district to discuss breathing and vocal quality and production of intonation with the students.
- A parent involved in theater or a school vocal director can provide similar information.
- Help the student(s) to monitor and review speaking voices.
Whining may identify a person as feeling powerless and upset. Try these:
- Appraise personal view of life. If student tends to self sabotage, develop a strategy for improving personal view of life and ways to validate self.
- Self evaluate to determine level of anger or hostility. If angry, develop techniques to express feelings productively and in a timely fashion, then find, practice and use powerful, personally successful methods for self soothing.
- Provide a lesson on assertiveness, helping students to identify options that are empowering and genuinely address issues they find upsetting.
- Determine that the situation requires action
- Be certain someone (including self) genuinely needs to be defended
Ascertain that a potentially effective action is available.
THEN. . . Make a simple and firm request +
Describe the problem or behavior +
Express second person perspective - empathize +
Add own feelings +
State alternatives if feelings and needs are not heeded.
THEN . . . Observe the outcome, allowing adequate time to pass.
Success? Congratulations! Thank the person.
No Change?
- check to see if the person understood
- examine your position to be certain it is worth pursuing and has not changed
- ask for outside help in clarifying your position
- distance self from other
OR . . . Escalate efforts at resolution because the relationship is vital
and so is the need. Compromise can include a creative solution that exceeds
everyoneâs hopes and needs.
Once you
have completed this topic you should:
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