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ESE548 : The Class : Commander Troy : Pat : Understanding


Understanding

Paraphrasing

Even when we are attentive, we may hear something different than what the person wants to express or miss the underlying message. Good understanding is enhanced if we check with the speacker to be certain that we received the true message. It is also reassuring to the speaker to know that a message was clear. Paraphasing can be started with words like:
  1. Are you saying...
  2. My understanding of what you said is...
  3. Do you mean...
  4. Then as you see it, things are...
  5. So what you need is...
  6. Did I get the message then, when I say...
  7. What I think you're saying is...
  8. Let me try to repeat what you just said...

If this is done well, it indicates that the person's perceptions are valued and enhances basic understanding for everyone in the conversion.

Pressing For Specificity

If someone says: You might ask:
Everything is falling apart in group.
No one is paying attention to me.
You always interrupt me.
We're on a roll.
Things went beautifully last week.
What's worrying you the most?
________________________________________
________________________________________
________________________________________
________________________________________
________________________________________

Reframing

Reframing is an exciting ability. It means to shift perspectives to see another feels. Some people seem gifted in this ability. All of us can gain expertise through practice.

.
I see/feel
Another's View
Possible outcomes
Group was really great today Marty took a while to share ideas. We can help Marty to trust us more.
  Marty may not feel safe with us. We are moving away from consequences.
     
I want to stay on task all meeting. ____________________________ ____________________________
____________________________ ____________________________ ____________________________
____________________________ ____________________________ ____________________________

 
 
Example
1. Focus feedback on behavior rather than people _______________________________________
2. Stick with sharing observation rather than making interferences. _______________________________________
3. Use descriptions rather thatn judgments. _______________________________________
4. Cause and effect relationships make good illustrations. _______________________________________
5. Try to use more or less rather than either-or, oughts, shoulds, never or always. _______________________________________
6. Here and now is more meaningful than last week, or sandbagging.

_______________________________________

7. Share ideas rather than advice.

_______________________________________

8. Listen fully and empathize rather than coming up with answers. _______________________________________
9. Explore alternatives rather than imposing. _______________________________________
10. Feedback is checking rather than giving quick answers. _______________________________________
11. Provide feedback when a person can hear it. _______________________________________
12. Feedback helps others rather than freeing us of anxiety or anger. _______________________________________


  • Give full attention
  • Silence - - Wait time
  • Clarifying
  • Pressing for specificity
  • Reframing
  • Feedback

Misunderstanding

Error of Fact - You heaar a person say the meeting is in Room 156 and write down Room165.

Error of Judgement - You buy size 8 shoes because the 7's don't fit, and they are too big.

Emotional Read - You are upset, so you misinterpret teasing to be ridicule.

Forfetfulness - You miss an appointment because you forget you made it.

Lie - You tell the person the outfit looks good rather than taking a chance on hurting them.

Procrastination - You say you will read the material in time for group, but run out of time.

Wasted effort - You prepare a bulletin board without checking, and the group also makes one.

Cultural issue - You make ham and eggs when the group meets at your house, and two people can't enjoy your refreshments - - one is a vegetarian, the other practices Orthodox Judaism.

Others _________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________

Building Trust through Understanding

  • Listen actively, reflectively and empathically
  • Maintain eye contact - if culturally appropriate.
  • Use body language to express interest and to provide cultural comfort.
  • Validate the speaker's viewpoint and beliefs.
  • Express honest feelings in kindness
  • Focus on issues of mutual concern.
  • Be alert to:
      belief system
      level of concern
      cultural sense
      cognitive sytle
      modality preference
      emotional context


Directions: Brainstorming ways these points lead to better understanding.

Give Full Attention

Silence - - Wait Time

Paraphrasing

Clarifying

Pressing For Specificity

Reframing

Feedback

Activity for Deeper Understanding

Over the next week, each member of the group will fill two boxes with objects.

On box is labeled "ME" and one is labeled "Not ME."

The group will meet to celebrate each member.

During the celebration, each person will help others in the group understand more about themselves.

In turn, each person will have an opportunity to understand others by the things that are shared and the things that are said.

Objects may help group members understand more about:

    belief systems
    concerns and cares
    cultural interests
    cognitive style
    preferences for ways to share self
    emotional context

Once you have finished you should:

Go back to Lesson 2

E-mail J'Anne Ellsworth at Janne.Ellsworth@nau.edu


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