Understanding

Understanding

Paraphrasing

Pressing For Specificity

Reframing

Misunderstanding

Building Trust through Understanding

Give Full Attention

Silence - - Wait Time

Paraphrasing

Clarifying

Pressing For Specificity

Reframing

Feedback

Activity for Deeper Understanding

Even when we are attentive, we may hear something different than what the person wants to express or miss the underlying message. Good understanding is enhanced if we check with the speacker to be certain that we received the true message. It is also reassuring to the speaker to know that a message was clear. Paraphasing can be started with words like:

Are you saying...
My understanding of what you said is...
Do you mean...
Then as you see it, things are...
So what you need is...
Did I get the message then, when I say...
What I think you're saying is...
Let me try to repeat what you just said...

If this is done well, it indicates that the person's perceptions are valued and enhances basic understanding for everyone in the conversion.

If someone says:	You might ask:
Everything is falling apart in group. No one is paying attention to me. You always interrupt me. We're on a roll. Things went beautifully last week.	What's worrying you the most? ________________________________________ ________________________________________ ________________________________________ ________________________________________ ________________________________________

Reframing is an exciting ability. It means to shift perspectives to see another feels. Some people seem gifted in this ability. All of us can gain expertise through practice.

.

I see/feel

Another's View

Possible outcomes

Group was really great today Marty took a while to share ideas. We can help Marty to trust us more.

Marty may not feel safe with us. We are moving away from consequences.

I want to stay on task all meeting. ____________________________ ____________________________

____________________________ ____________________________ ____________________________

____________________________ ____________________________ ____________________________

Example

1. Focus feedback on behavior rather than people _______________________________________

2. Stick with sharing observation rather than making interferences. _______________________________________

3. Use descriptions rather thatn judgments. _______________________________________

4. Cause and effect relationships make good illustrations. _______________________________________

5. Try to use more or less rather than either-or, oughts, shoulds, never or always. _______________________________________

6. Here and now is more meaningful than last week, or sandbagging.
_______________________________________

7. Share ideas rather than advice.
_______________________________________

8. Listen fully and empathize rather than coming up with answers. _______________________________________

9. Explore alternatives rather than imposing. _______________________________________

10. Feedback is checking rather than giving quick answers. _______________________________________

11. Provide feedback when a person can hear it. _______________________________________

12. Feedback helps others rather than freeing us of anxiety or anger. _______________________________________

Give full attention
Silence - - Wait time
Clarifying
Pressing for specificity
Reframing
Feedback

Error of Fact - You heaar a person say the meeting is in Room 156 and write down Room165.

Error of Judgement - You buy size 8 shoes because the 7's don't fit, and they are too big.

Emotional Read - You are upset, so you misinterpret teasing to be ridicule.

Forfetfulness - You miss an appointment because you forget you made it.

Lie - You tell the person the outfit looks good rather than taking a chance on hurting them.

Procrastination - You say you will read the material in time for group, but run out of time.

Wasted effort - You prepare a bulletin board without checking, and the group also makes one.

Cultural issue - You make ham and eggs when the group meets at your house, and two people can't enjoy your refreshments - - one is a vegetarian, the other practices Orthodox Judaism.

Others _________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________

Listen actively, reflectively and empathically
Maintain eye contact - if culturally appropriate.
Use body language to express interest and to provide cultural comfort.
Validate the speaker's viewpoint and beliefs.
Express honest feelings in kindness
Focus on issues of mutual concern.
Be alert to:

Directions: Brainstorming ways these points lead to better understanding.

ESE548 : The Class : Commander Troy : Pat : Understanding

Over the next week, each member of the group will fill two boxes with objects.

On box is labeled "ME" and one is labeled "Not ME."

The group will meet to celebrate each member.

During the celebration, each person will help others in the group understand more about themselves.

In turn, each person will have an opportunity to understand others by the things that are shared and the things that are said.

Objects may help group members understand more about:

Once you have finished you should:

Go back to Lesson 2

E-mail J'Anne Ellsworth at Janne.Ellsworth@nau.edu