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Module Three |
Activity one: Take the Sail Down! |
On a sunny day, I was watching sailboats dance on the water at the lake. Suddenly dark clouds rolled in and the wind began to howl. I couldn't believe my eyes, for sails on 200 boats disappeared! I later learned that it is critical for sailors to lower their sails in a stiff wind to prevent boats from overturning and masts from splitting.
We all have angry and anxious moments during the day. ?Anger is powerful and valuable. It can protect us if we understand it, recognize the feelings and use the emotions wisely. When a squall comes up in our lives, do we have the wisdom to take the sail down? We have busy, fast paced lives. In moments, dark clouds can appear. Do we trim our sails, or put up resistance to those who are blowing and raging? Do we defend our position, demand respect, fill with indignation and get blown by the winds of others? Or do we take down our sails, and manage in a way that we can later admire?
This is particularly important in teaching. Teachers almost universally say that the one thing they expect from students is respect. It sounds as though students have the ability to give and remove respect from teachers. It is not so.
We hear that others can take away our respect, or "dis" us but respect is something we carry within. If we do not have a sense of security, we may rage about the insults of others, or force a show of deference, but it will not gain regard. In fact, it often diminishes our security. We simply can not "get respect" from others by demanding it. We cannot punish students until they show us respect. In fact, we also lose respect through anger, punitive actions or verbal violence.
Perhaps we do not always know we are angry. If the wind blows, the white caps on the waves let a sailor know how hard the wind is blowing. We don't come with dash board indicators. We can be surprised by anger, and we may not recognize how quickly it affects us! We monitor the dash in our car for overheating, but we may not see we are nearing the boiling point.
Recognizing and managing emotions is both stimulating and powerful. It is similar to the statements by sports announcers who refer to it as "staying in our own game." When others might enrage us and send us flying across the bay or make us "snap," we need not respond in kind. We take our own sail down. When someone cuts us off on the highway, we congratulate ourselves for being vigilant and return focus to the road. If someone walks by without speaking, we assume it comes from preoccupation.
When we stay in an "offensive" position and move at our own pace rather than taking over another's anxiety, irritation or rage, we are powerful. We can respect ourselves rather than looking for respect from others. When we fail to sense our own moods, we contribute to our own victimization as well as being the victims of others.